The Silent Room

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Small Talk:
To my loyal and beloved readers, thank you for coming this far with me. I’m going to miss you.

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Desktop of the Month: I think I should shrink back into my cold steel shell.

So now my break is officially over.

It’s kind of nice to start my life out again with lots of death threats and discouragements from people you love the most. It’s probably because I keep to myself a lot, but hey, its the force of habit. Can’t really do anything about that now anyway.

Thanks for thinking you know everything just by reading this silly little blog – a place where I used to be able to be honest, at least to myself. Too bad that’s about to change, thanks to all your brilliant comments. Now my last sanctuary is tainted, taken away from me. A shame, really.

Thanks for taking all my opinions seriously, for trying to sound like you understand, for trying to think you can step into my world. I know it’s hard for you to realise that I’m no longer the little boy running around with snot dangling out his nostrils.

I know it’s hard when you say all those things you had to say and I pretend not to hear them – I do. It hurts.

I know it’s hard when you run out of ideas on ‘what to do about that poor lost boy’ – it’s hard for me, too.

I know it’s hard when you try to reach out to me but I pull away – but you pushed me away first, a long time ago. You never really realised it, though. But you’re busy, you got loans to pay off and a family to feed. I understand.

I know it’s hard when you try to listen to the things I have to say. It’s unfortunate that old age affected your hearing and attention span.

I know it’s hard when you try to figure out the things I do from the little clues I inadvertently drop here and there. I don’t mean for you to know in the first place. You may have problems, but I have problems too. Like you, I want to be able to grow up and sort out those problems with my own strength. If I can’t take it anymore, I’d run to you – because I know you’d be there for me then. Most of the time, I got most of the issues fixed before you ever knew it happened. I’m not asking you to be proud of me or anything – it’s no big deal.

I know it’s hard when you’re kept in the dark about how I solve my problem and worry for the outcome. The reason I keep you in the dark is precisely because I don’t want you to worry. Then again, I’m being silly, you’re you, and it’s your job – no, your natural instinct – to worry.

I know it’s hard to deal with troublesome little me – you do love me, after all. So much, that you have to blurt out obvious white lies just to please me. I love you, too. Still, when words fail me, I just hope what little sentiments from my heart would reach you through these voiceless cries.

Until things change,… I probably won’t be writing here anymore.