“I am bold enough to say that I’m a confident person.”

I wouldn’t say that with a proud chest puffing out, but rather, I say that whenever I get asked questions like “Are you confident about yourself?”. I think I’ve found myself facing variants of this question but they all mean the same to me, and I have answered the same way almost every single time.

It’s funny when I think about it because my life has seemingly been a series of failure upon failure in various fields. I’m not too efficient at handling my personal finances, I’ve flunked my academics on more than a few occasions and have pretty much screwed myself over several disasters in romantic endeavours - not to mention my significant waistline.

If I were ever to write an autobiography, a reader may as well say, “With that kind of a track record he must be quite a shameless bastard to be talking confidently about confidence!”. Of course, taking things at face value, I’m not at all surprised.

Confidence is a funny thing. On many occasions I’ve seen people who have been known to be ‘Beacons of Confidence’ crumble at the feet of a bespectacled nerd or succumb to a flat, punctured tyre. Then again, I think not only is confidence overrated, it’s also largely misunderstood.

A lot of people I have spoken to seem to associate confidence with the ability to talk without a shred of nervousness, or the ability to impress people with sheer body language. While this understanding isn’t exactly wrong, I would say it’s quite inaccurate. These kinds of things are what I would call the side effects of confidence - not the essence of confidence itself. These qualities may reflect confidence, but to call a person confident based solely on these traits is quite a stretch.

“Well then, smart ass, how do YOU define confidence?”. Just what I wanted to hear.

To explain this in the simplest manner, I shall cite some examples. The most confident type of people are not artistes, nor politicians, or the typical group of people who appear and speak or perform before crowds. In fact, I believe the most confident type of people are comedians. Allow me to illustrate this point further.

If comedians talk shit about other people, that’s a common thing. You don’t have to be a comedian to be able to do that [in fact, if you're really good at it, you can become a politician!]. However, what sets some comedians apart from other people is that they can talk shit about themselves, make fun out of their own crap, and still have a blast doing it.

Ahmed Ahmed can easily speak about him ‘adding fuel to the flames [of hatred]‘ by acting in a movie as a stereotypical Arab terrorist.
Jeff Dunham argues with his ventriloquism puppets about his sex life and choice of vehicles, and he does so extraordinarily well.
Sarah Silverman talks shit about her own bias and prejudices without the slightest hint of guilt or remorse.

Comedians can talk shit about themselves because they are confident about themselves. They clearly demonstrate that with a confident personality, you may have made the most horrible mistakes but you can still talk about it without feeling guilty at all. Nothing people can say about them can bring their heads down - because they’ve already done it themselves.

Confidence, I believe, is about being comfortable with yourself. Coming to terms with your own traits. Acknowledging your talent, your skills, the things that are best about you. It’s also about accepting the fact that you suck at something, or screwed someone over, or that you have suffered countless failures despite your efforts [because you just suck]. It’s about realising you are made gold AND shit.

It’s about accepting yourself for who you are - and not feel the need to hide or lie about it to other people.

So you drove around and crashed your dad’s car. That’s what happened, at the time you sucked at driving - hopefully now you’re better.

So you fooled around in Uni and fucked your grades. That’s what happened, you were a dumbass for not studying properly [as you should have] - good thing you realise it now.

So you were caught drunk-driving, and later spent the night in a four-by-four cell. That’s what happened, you were an idiot for not letting a sober friend drive - good thing you didn’t get anyone killed.

Or maybe better things have happened.

You held back buying that expensive dSLR to buy your dad a watch for his birthday. No need to hide that fact.

You studied hard, pestered friends and lecturers and aced your exams. No need to say you were just lucky - or that it was God’s will.

You’re very good at coding, assembling circuits and you love the smell of soldering irons. Why say “I am okay with doing so-and-so” when you can be honest and say “I’m capable of doing this and this very well” during the interview.

To be confident, I would say, is about being able to acknowledge yourself. Of course, it must be done without bias toward any particular side.

If you only decide to acknowledge your qualities and forget your screw-ups, you’re just a snobby asshole who goes around asking everyone to hate you.

If you keep reminding yourself of how you fucked things up, and think nothing of your achievements, you’ll never see the light of day - definitely no good.

Accept your qualities, and admit your flaws. That way you can freely talk about yourself without bias, guilt or sanctimony.

Of course, what I’ve been prattling all the way is another one of those ‘how to be confident’ guides. Whether or not you WANT to be confident is none of my concern. I’m not here to argue about whether or not confidence would benefit or backfire because frankly - I don’t give a shit.

Confidence can go a long way, but after all is said and done, the choice to be a confident person is entirely yours. I just have one question for you, though: Are YOU confident about yourself?

I don’t need to hear your answer, but I sure hope it’ll lend you a different perspective next time you decide to look at yourself in the mirror.