Hello.

My name is Fazri, I am 21 years old.

I am an MMU student studying for a degree in Electronic Engi- no, wait. Let me rephrase that.

I am an MMU student who is no longer studying Engineering.

Very soon, I will be studying a foundation course in the Faculty of Creative Multimedia.

Yes, I quit Engineering.

Call me what you want, I don’t care. It’s the truth, anyway. But other than what derogatory remarks you might label me, there are also a whole bunch of other truths.

One truth, is that I never enjoyed Engineering. I hate it, in fact. Physical science is not my thing.

Another truth, is that I do enjoy Science, but the science I love is biological and chemical, which are not eligible for the scholarship which I applied for.

Also another truth, is that I have wanted to change faculties for a long time, but my scholarship contract forbade me from doing so.

The final truth, is that I have been constantly lying to myself all this while.

There have been many times that I wake up groggily in the morning, drive to class, and asked myself “Why the fuck did I take up Engineering when I know too well that I hate it so fucking much?”. After a while, reality sets in, and I answered my own questions

Oh yes, I wanted to be an academician in a field of science.

Oh yes, I wanted to establish my own university.

Oh yes, I wanted to retain my scholarship.

Oh yes, I wanted to prove that my brothers aren’t only ones who are capable of studying and scoring in an intellectual field.

Oh yes, I wanted to convince people that I’m not a black sheep.

In the end, I have continued to run away from the fact that I’m not competent in that field. I have constantly convinced myself that I just ‘love art as a pastime - and nothing more’. I have been shown, many times, that I don’t fit there - but I stubbornly refused to budge - and failed extravagantly.

I have now, thanks to the love and courage from my own family, accepted all those. I have laughed at myself for being such a stubborn asshole. I have recognised myself as a man full of weaknesses and mistakes. I have found for myself a renewed sense of pride.

Today, as I stand looking at the ruins of what could have been a bright future, I took a picture of it as a reminder. A lesson for the future. A new future that I will build upon the things that I truly love.

Hello.

My name is Fazri. I am 21 years old.

I fucked up, and I have accepted that fact wholly.

I am going to make a fresh start, and make the best out of it.