The Silent Room

I seriously shouldn’t be doing all this club president thing, it just doesn’t suit me. Taking on the responsibilities, going out of my way to do things, giving other people the benefit of the doubt, giving – and having – expectations. I know it sounds really vague, but until I can set my own brain straight, I don’t think I can disclose anything much right now. It’s been a rough week, and it doesn’t help that some people around me are either apathetic or just plain irresponsible incompetent pricks.

Some people have told me I’m a bit too optimistic for my own good, which is rather ironic since I think I’m more of a cynical and callous type. But then, the former might just be true. Somehow, deep inside, I honestly do believe that every human has some sort of worth that deserves to be proven. Some small quality that deserves to have some light shed upon. It’s probably because I believed in that that I decided to grab the rudder and steer.

Believing is about the only leadership quality I can truly be proud of. Believing in people, and making them believe that I do, indeed, believe in them. Experience has taught me that when someone puts their trust in you, and when you know that that person sincerely thinks highly of you, you’d do everything you can to fulfil that belief. It’s a strange thing, but it happens. It has happened, in fact. To me, at least.

Frankly speaking, I actually like setting people in motion. I like to spur moments of thought. I like to see them move and react to the things I say and the things I do. It’s like a strange kind of thrill, my own jabs of heroin, right into my brainstem. It is because of my addiction to this ‘drug’ that, ever since high school, I started to read books about influencing people.

How to talk to them.

How to walk with them.

How to work beside them.

How to persuade them

And ultimately, how to inspire them.

Those who have taken any kind of leading position might understand a bit of what I’m saying. Be it an assignment group leader, or being the person taking charge of the night’s dinner, when you’re a position where you’re giving out orders, you’re in a position to set things – and people – in motion.

…

Lady: “Ekusu-cuse me…”

Me: “Yes?”

Lady: “I,..yam,..uh…Jyapanese,..uh..I four-gaht uh.. my peng, hear…”

Me: “Ah,.. maakaa pen ga wasureteimashitaka?”

Lady: “Eh, soudakedo- EHHH!? Anata nihon-go shitteiru no?”

Me: “Eh,… maa chotto dake… anime-bu no bucho dakara. Sore wa atarimai na koto deshou?”

Lady: “Ehh..koko ni anime-bu ga irunda? Shiranakatta ne…Iya, iya…sugoi sugoi.”

Me: *looks around* “Pen ga,…inai mitai dakedo…”

Lady: *disappointed look* “Ahh,.. sou ka? Okashi ne,…hmm. Sore ja, dokoka mata. Sumanai ne.” *bow*

Me: “Iye, kochirakoso sumanakatta…”

That was last night. After that conversation, I thought to myself, “Anime-bu no bucho? I’m such a conceited bastard.” Figuring that I have done pretty much zilch, I realized that I’ve been carrying around that title only because I was the only person arrogant enough to carry its weight. With that, I decided to go and do something more productive, and canceled the screening.

Was it pride? Or disgust at that cheap, useless pride? I couldn’t put a finger on it. But I went home, and continued to do whatever I can to deliver my promise, to live up to the beliefs I made people believe in, and to make me believe in myself again.

I came back and sat in front of the PC. I sat there and did nothing for at least one whole minute. I leaned back and took a deep breath, and closed my eyes. Somehow, as though as an act of saving grace, I have been blessed to work some highly motivated people who are willing to give it all they’ve got.

Because over the past few weeks, there have been communications breakdown, there have been apathetic people, there have been people who just sat there in silence without offering any service or questions about their role or in any way they could contribute.

I don’t blame them. After all, I took on the task because I believed that I could change them, by believing in them. Tuesday will be the litmus test, and until that day comes I’m bandaging my wrists and gritting my teeth.

Because I’m going to make you believe me.

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Small Talk:
Ask someone else to translate that for you.

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