“I should also call Telstra to see what’s up with the PHONE. Because without it, there is no INTERNET. And I DIE.”
- Xahra

I choked on my hot chocolate reading that. Simply because I would feel the same way, should it ever happen to me. Somehow, I’ve grown accustomed to living my life connected 24/7, even when I’m away from the PC. I might be driving to class, [or sleeping in it] or having lunch with friends or walk around taking pictures but my mind would be at ease as long as Luna remains online while I’m away.

My lifestyle has changed a lot over the years since I adopted the Internet ‘culture’ [if one may so call it]. I mean, I remember tinkering around with an IBM PC and messing with Windows 3.1, DOS, and playing 16-bit games but then again my childhood never really revolved around the digital things.

Before I brought the internet into my life [or the other way around, as some may say], I spent my evenings doodling and drawing and doing useless things like poking a beehive, getting chased by a boar, catching dragonflies and stuffing firecrackers down the throats of frogs. In many ways, I had a colourful and vibrant childhood.

I think I really got myself into this tangled web [pun intended] when I joined the Xfresh forums back in 2000. At 15 years old, it was a tough year for me. My dad pulled me out of boarding school because of a discipline case, forcing me to leave behind all the friends I made and bonded with and I suddenly found myself back in the local secondary school where friends from my primary school have attended over the past few years.

Unfortunately, after 3 years of absence, I was a stranger in my own town. I just knew who was who, but I was left with practically no friends, let alone close companions. I went online for emotional support, and found it there. I found supportive friends, words of encouragement, rivals, and critics. But more importantly, I found acceptance, and through it, salvation.

After getting myself involved in an online community, I broke out of my shell. I wrote articles and declared my thoughts with pride. I was given the opportunity to change, and by God I grabbed that chance by the balls and took the plunge.

Along the way, I learned a lot of things, including basic HTML, and Photoshop. Stumbling upon any kind of problem forced me to go online and search for tutorials and guides. It was during those years, I think, that I came to learn about digital video in AVI, and music in MP3.

My online activities during the pre-SPM years have been nothing but forums and chatrooms. Blogging was an alien term unheard of. A personal website meant Geocities or Angelfire, and getting a dotCOM domain name was simply out of this world. Back then, a 56k modem never meant anything, it was the only thing I knew that connected me to the Net and my so-called P2P downloads only consisted of small, lossy MP3s. Streaming videos were links that I yearned so badly to click, only to realize that my connection would never allow me to enjoy it properly.

My life took a big turn when I experienced broadband for the first time when I worked for Xfresh back in 2001. It was then that my tech and web knowledge increased, and I dare say exponentially. Curiosities were solved quickly, thanks to the multitude of search engines and a huge pipe that was at my disposal.

However, the last nail on the coffin was the day that I learned to use Bittorrent. When I attended MMU for my foundation course back in Melaka, I got myself acquainted with some very tech-savvy people, and one of them introduced me to a new world: Fansubbed Anime.

After getting myself in a house with its own broadband line, I descended into the underworld of P2P and began a new life as a digital pirate. Ever since then, being disconnected led to rage, frustration and anger that only served to fuel ‘Monster Kill’ steaks in Instagib brawls of Unreal Tournament 2004.

Before I realised it, downloading MP3 music was a norm, digital photography a common hobby, and I have been burning hundreds of CDs and DVDs to archive my precious pirated media.

This is not to say that I’ve sunk so low to become a social outcast. I have continued to live my life in the flesh, and have been effortlessly enjoying a physical life that is separate than my digital entity. I still enjoy a social life, though it’s likely ten times less exciting than yours.

It’s just that, upon taking a retrospective view of things, I realised that I’ve become… dependent of the Web.

Gone are the days when I would sit in front of the TV and I would idly wait there HOPING for a good show to come on, and gleefully laughed at mentally insulting commercials. No longer do I analyse TV guides waiting for the right hour to catch my favourite shows. I could have never cared less about what’s going on inside of the 32″ box sitting pretty in the corner of the dining room.

The Internet shoved the TV out of my life. It’s my new source of news, my new source of ads, my ever-ready goldmine of information, tutorials, guides, and articles, it’s my reliable source of entertainment and thrill but more importantly, it’s where I can be truly honest with myself.

Now that I think about it, I’m just another parasite leeching off the illusion that is the greatness of the Web. I don’t know for sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Suffice to say that I’ve become who I am thanks to all of that.

For the many so-called ‘netizens’ who only visit Friendster, MySpace and Facebook when they go online, I don’t think they’d be able to give me a nod of approval for the previous statement. I don’t blame them. My parents even went as far as accusing me of suffering from problems internet addiction.

Yes, I suppose you can say that I’m addicted to the Net, just as much as I’m addicted to scribbling and doodling the moment I get a pen and paper. Fortunately, I don’t ’suffer’ from this addiction. I’m enjoying it, and I believe that my life has become richer than YOURS because of it.

I definitely have no problem with that.