The Silent Room

Transformers. The 2007 movie. Left. Me. Speechless.

Okay, scratch that. It actually left me with an audio track in my head that played on loop and it kept repeating only two words: HOLY and SHIT. Yeah, so much so that I just *had* to blog about it.

So yeah, we all know that Michael Bay butchered the canonical Transformers – not that he actually tried to hide it, anyway. I’m pretty sure a lot of people, especially hardcore TF fans, have seen the designs, concept art and cutscenes, and almost everyone who anticipated the movie, even with just the slightest bit, has seen the teasers and trailers. We all already knew that we’re not going to get anything that would even closely resemble the G1 Transformers back from the 20th century, story or otherwise.

When I first saw the sketches and art pieces many months before, I was like, “Ahh shiet, Bay killed the Transformers!”. However, I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt, despite myself being quite anal-retentive when it comes to people deviating from canons. Then the teasers and trailers came.

We got to see Bumblebee, Scorponok and the back of Prime‘s head. At which I thought, “Hey, this might be pretty good after all.” Fast forward to last Sunday, I decided to buy the tickets early because experience kinda taught me to do so. Fast forward some more to several hours ago – when I sat in a dark hall surrounded by a civilized crowd with parents who actually brought in calm and well-behaved children.

Except for one bitch at the back who suddenly laughed her head off. I have no idea how she could find the scene of a completely empty Arabian desert to be so hilarious.

So anyway,… bah. Let’s just skip to the review!

BUMBLEBEE IS A JACKASS! No, really. I like how Bay redefined the personalities of the Autobots. Bumblebee, especially, has been given an evil sense of humour. What surprised me the most about this movie was the fact that they actually gave Prime [as well as the other Autobots] lips that mouth out words and eyelids that blink and bend to show emotion. That’s really something, you know. It goes to show how Bay didn’t cut corners, despite the fact he could have just left Prime to talk with his metallic asthma mask on.

There are, of course, a few things I’m unhappy about with the movie, putting aside the butchered canon storyline and all. The first and most important of all was the fact that Megatron is an alien fighter jet instead of a gun or an uber-cool cannon [hail Galvatron!]. Not only did Megatron deviate from his alternate mode, they gave him a face that looked like a metallic Caesar salad with sparse teeth. Can somebody explain to me why the hell would a bloody robot need a set of TEETH?

Second, they made Scorponok a sidekick for another Decepticon. From what I recall of Scorponok, he’s like this super badass, inter-galactic motherfucker who could easily toss around several Autobots without breaking a sweat losing a single drop of lube. In this movie, he’s almost like the mechanical version of Crixalis the Sand King! [of DoTA Allstars fame. Damn, I've been playing that shit too much -.-"]

I was a bit unhappy with the idea of Bumblebee NOT being a Volkswagen, and that Prime is a long-nosed truck instead of a flat-faced truck, not to mention that he’s got all those Ah Beng flame stickers on him. But it’s all right, because the best things about the movie easily outshines it’s minimal flaws.

I love everything about the transforming, well…Transformers. I like how they transformed, how they moved, how they fought. It was absolutely exhilarating to watch. I can appreciate the Allspark/Cube being the center of the conflict, it’s a nice concept. I like how they joked on the Autobots getting whacked on high voltage. I like the jokes about Ebay and the internet, those were awesome. Although I do find it a bit cheesy how they inserted the classic lines of ‘more than meets the eye’ and ‘one shall stand, one shall fall’.

But, on top of everything else, I’m very VERY happy that leader of the Autobots is voiced by Peter Cullen, the one and only true-to-God Optimus Prime. Yea sure, Hugo Weaving did a great job, but pfft, whatever, who gives a shit?

Peter Cullen, you are a hero, the savior of the Transformers and the memories of millions of old-school Transformers fans across Planet Earth. We forever owe you our gratitude. For your efforts, as well as those of the engineers and animators who brought the Autobots and Decepticons to life, I believe this movie deserves 11/10 stars.

Oh, since it’s no longer a secret, I guess we can start looking forward to the sequel! To quote Prime’s parting words: We’ll be waiting.

[All photo credits go to Wikipedia.]

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Small Talk:
TGV Cheras Selatan needs to build washroom facilities that would still be open to the public after 11pm. I almost ruined my movie experience by suffering the agony of… not wetting my pants. I had to hold it in until I got back home.

Damn.

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