I’ve been getting some responses off the blog regarding my ‘very Malay‘ status, and they’re all… how do I say this, all of the comments are littered with signs of approval, so to speak. And since some of you have been silver-tongued about the whole thing, I decided to throw you a bone and share a neat trick passed down to me by my former Silat guru back when I was in boarding school.

This is something for men who are easily excited whenever they are in the presence of feminine beauty. In other words, guys who are quick to get a boner upon sight of a hot chick.

Back in my days before I delved into the net, [and before pron] I was a nubile young man with burning desires, and a VERY noticeable boner. Just the sight of a chick in a tank top would’ve sent shivers up my frail little spine, and snapped my little friend into attention :p

I was lucky enough to be under the tutelage of a very thoughtful [and very manly] tok guru, and he taught his pupils a great many things outside martial arts. We would consult him with our spiritual and emotional issues, and after gathering a bit of courage, I brought this ‘problem’ up, much to the delight of my peers and seniors.

Noticing the jeers and teasings, he gave everyone a quick glare, telepathically scolding them, as if he planted the words “What? You never had an instant boner before? You gay wimp!” right into their cerebral cortex.

Understanding my plea to avoid humiliation and guilt, he told me to get into a horse stance. Knees bent at right angles, back upright, feet planted firmly on the ground. Those who were interested enough followed suit. He then pointed to my knee said,

“The nerves that pass along the base of the groin also run along the legs, right down to your toes.”

He told us to use our toes to dig into the ground, gripping the soil and creating a more solid horse stance. He also reminded us to pace our breathing.

“The same lines of nerves clump up together at the knees. As your feet draws power from the earth to thrust your hips, much of the power is accumulated at the knees and are let go in a powerful burst at the thigh and butt muscles, and your woman moans. Of course the same applies for your hands, when you have them planted firmly on the ground, power is accumulated at the waist area.”

[note: I swear to God I did NOT make this shit up. His words were so elaborate I remember them vividly to this day. In fact, what he really said was "Bini hang mengaum,", which means "Your woman roars." I replaced it with 'moan' to better suit the context :p]

Everyone couldn’t help but laugh. We were teenagers who barely knew anything of mating rituals and such talk easily created much glee. However, we were soon silenced by another Stare of Wrath, and resumed our breathing exercise.

“Let’s go back to the knees. Now, some men, especially the younger ones, aren’t seasoned enough with women that their little brothers wake up too easily. A good way to ease your brother back to sleep is to strike the nerves that ‘activate’ it.”

An idiot friend behind me quipped, much to everyone’s joy, “So, what? We kick his nuts?”
Guru simply said, “Well, if you want to get your nuts kicked in front of girls it’s none of my business, but yes, that works, too,”

“Of course, there’s a better solution. And that is to slap your knees. To be precise, slap the nerves that clump up under your knees. When you hit the nerves, you will feel it, and in just a few slaps, your brother will go back to sleep.”

The idea is to slap the nerves that run just below the kneecap, the same ones that give the knee-jerk reaction. It works with either knee, so I figured that you can do this discreetly, slapping the knee that’s hidden under the table or something.

I thought of giving it a try, so later that night, I asked to borrow a copy of a pron mag [I forgot what it was, I only looked at the pictures :p] from one of my seniors, who also happily took part in the whole deal. And I must say, the knee-slapping technique proved to be very effective in boner control [as far as my groin is concerned, that is].

I have continued to do so throughout my late teenage years, especially when I go out in a group of friends, and there happens to be a really hot chick around, or if we were at a car show [where there are LOADS of chicks showing LOADS of skin]. While all the other guys were hiding their tents under their backpacks and goodie bags, I just sat there happily slapping my knee away while I continued to ogle at the beauties.

Of course, nowadays, it doesn’t take much mental effort to calm the beast as I chat up the next chick I meet >:D

But I have to admit, conducting that little ‘experiment’ some eight years ago, while having at least 3 guys curiously staring at your crotch continuously for over 10 minutes… let’s just say that it wasn’t the most comfortable setting for a lab session.