One of the things I don’t really fancy about going out ’socialising’ with people is running the risk of becoming a lamppost*. Okay, make that, it’s the one thing that I particularly hate the most about socialising. The reason is quite simple: it sucks being a lamppost. I should know, I’ve become one on countless occasions.

The easiest way to avoid being a lamppost, is to actually stand out, and talk to everyone. However, this isn’t really the most practical solution, since not everyone has a cheerful, muka tembok** kind of personality. Unless I’m in a crowd of long time friends who already know the kind of person I am, I always make it a point to shut up and choose my words carefully - rather than getting myself stamped with a “Loud-mouthed Dumbfuck” label as a first impression.

A better way is to approach this problem from a different angle.

I’m not the most popular guy in town, but at least I know a thing or two about making friends that I can keep. One thing I noticed about lampposts is that they have the similar factor of being unfamiliar with the rest of the crowd. It doesn’t have to be a crowd, even. Many lamppost cases happen even when there’s only three people; where only two people talk and the other one unable to participate, maybe because they’re unfamiliar with the topic in coversation.

In this case, the victim become completely helpless, because changing topics suddenly is considered rude conversation manners [yes, it is] and the victim is still unable to join into the conversation.

A common scenario is when a new friend is being introduced to another by the first person. For example, person A brings person B, and person C, a friend of person A comes along and joins them for lunch. B and C shake hands, exchange names, and sit together. In such a case, A is first degree friends with B and C, but B and C are second degree friends to each other [No, I don't use Friendster that often, by the way].

Person A starts talking to person C. The topic is, more likely than not, something only A and C knows. B keeps quiet, not knowing what to say. B becomes a lamppost, while A is completely oblivious to this fact. What sucks even more, is when A and B are guys, and C is a hot chick. A’s intentions were to bring B and C together, but when B fails to say a word, A later scolds B for not making any moves. Person B sulks as there was nothing he could do to improve his situation. Person C then thinks person B must be a quiet and shy person - when the opposite is actually the truth.

I can approach this situation in one of two ways:

1. Person A is retarded.
2. Person A isn’t aware of the methods of bringing friends together.

Since I don’t know how to cure a retard, I shall take the second approach.

The lamppost phenomenon occurs when two parties lack a common ground. This is a very frequent occurrence in parties or between newly-introduced [or second degree] friends. In big social parties [more than 6 people], one can easily avoid becoming a lamppost by approaching a quiet person and starting some small talk. I do that all the time, just to kill boredom - or to find an excuse to keep looking at this cute chick.

However, in smaller crowds, such as the case I mentioned above, if you find yourself in person B’s shoes, you’re in quite a pinch. You can keep asking “What’s this, what’s that?” and annoy the shit out of the conversation, or you ca play your words carefully to slip into the conversation. This advice isn’t so good, since it’s very vague, and not everyone can pull it off nicely all the time.

For such situations, I personally hold person A responsible. The reason is simple; if you want to introduce a new friend, your aim is to get the two people talking to each other - not hog the person to yourself, you fucking show-off vainpot!

To avoid either person B or C becoming a lamppost is something only person A can accomplish. This is because only person A shares common knowledge with B and C, when B and C are usually completely unfamiliar with each other. After much trial runs, I have found the best solution as person A. And by Occam’s holy Razor, the best solution is definitely the simplest after all.

Person A should talk to person C about person B. And about person C to person B whenever necessary.

Person A acts as a bridge, bringing knowledge about each other together. That way, everyone is involved in the conversation and the lamppost phenomena would be completely out of the picture. Trust me, I’ve brought together circles of friends together by this method. It’s simple, effective, and a shitload of fun to watch your friends peel away their masks and transform into their true monstrous selves.

Now you are equipped with knowledge of saving your friends from becoming lampposts. So, you popular people surrounded by hot chicks and cool people, stop being so oblivious and start being aware of your friends who feel left out!

footnote:
* lamppost - a person who is shut out of the conversation due to unfamiliar grounds.
** muka tembok - shameless.