It’s nice to live in peace like this. Really, really nice.

On a cool rainy afternoon, I’d open the sliding glass doors of my house and grab a seat on the patio. I’d stare quietly and listen to the songs of the rain as it gently heals everything it touches. It’s as though life is being poured back into the earth, and into myself with it. I’d take a deep breath and sigh slowly before taking another sip of hot tea as I continue to stare at nothing.

Honestly speaking, I never thought that leading a low-profile lifestyle would suit me so well. I can freely plan my days and activities without so much extra unnecessary commitment and obligations. It doesn’t mean I detest the idea of going out in big groups of friends, of course not. I love having friends - I am nothing without them. It’s just that, I just dislike the idea of clinging on to them. I’m no hermit, I’m no loner, but I can pretty much make do being in an alien place surrounded by strangers. It’s not all that hard, really.

What annoys me sometimes is how clingy some people can get.

I’ve come to know quite a number of people who can’t go without being in a ‘gang’ of friends. Sure, it’s cool to have a ‘gang’ of sorts, I have nothing against that, really. What I don’t fancy is the fuss they make when one day they’re left out or have to go do something alone.

Not to say I don’t need to be around friends, but rather, I don’t want to have to need my friends all the time. When I’m happy, I share the moments with them and when I’m sad I share those moments, too. I have friends because I can appreciate them as individuals, not because I don’t want to be left alone.

That’s how friends become part of my fulfillment.

You become a part of me, as I wish to become a part of you. But I don’t want to be your burden, and I don’t want you to be mine. Friends should complement, not complicate, each other.

I’ve been listening to stories after stories about how issues involving three, four, sometimes numerous people become such an ugly and entangled mess. After hearing such stories, I would think to myself, ah, I’m so glad that never happened between me and any of my friends. I never promised them any commitment - silly promises like ‘Frenz 4Evar‘ or ‘lurve alwayzz‘. I’ve never held on to any of those.

Friends are very much like the rain, I believe. They come and go. Sometimes, they come when you least expect them to and when you wished they came, they never did. And when they do come, you’d sometimes wish they never came and you’d sometimes wish they’d never go away. One thing is for sure, and that is, when they do come, you can’t help but smile.

I like how I can just be myself and not worry too much about people’s expectations of me - they don’t get to see much of me, anyway. I dislike conflict, even more so when it involves friends. The moment drama starts, it will [more often than not] turn out very, very ugly.

I like how I can just detach myself from everyone else and not worry about what people may think - I’m not that close to them to begin with. It’s very easy for me to isolate myself for some quiet moments to contemplate and ruminate on various things. I like my private moments to be like that - just private.

Which probably explains why I always go to weird places by myself. Sometimes I’d find a park with an open field of grass, and just lie down under the big puffy clouds for a short nap. Sometimes I’d climb up a hill to reach the top of a waterfall, just so I can find a quiet spot to dip my legs in. Sometimes I’d visit an aquarium, or a botanical garden by myself. Yeah, to the ordinary person surrounded by friends those things are anything but fun. Well, if you haven’t realized it by now, fun and excitement isn’t what I seek in life.

Yes, I’m pretty much a bloody boring guy.

If I were to take a group of friends and go to these sort of places and do nothing but walk around or sit quietly or just sight-seeing, nobody would want to me come with me the next time I invite them. I can understand their claims, just that not many understand mine. Heheh, to you, it probably sounds like an excuse for my poor social skills. I won’t say anything about that, though. I told this to one of my dearest friends before and I thought I’d share it with you, too.

Friends have no obligation to stay, they come and they go, but one is given a choice to either stick with the friends one has, or to go on and just live one’s own life as it is. It’s not a matter of right or wrong, but rather, a matter of how you wish to take your life further.

I enjoy being with friends, but I’m really at my happiest when I can find a wide wide place, where the lands would reach so very far, and the sky would be so distant and blue and the wind would be gentle and cool. I’d pour myself a cup of tea as I sit on the grass and feel them softly bend under my fingers. I would then take a deep breath, a sip of tea and just peacefully, quietly enjoy the scenery.

With you.