I’m not so quick on the recent national news since my own life has been in pretty much of a mess. But tonight I was just bloghopping around the local pundits’ blogs when I discovered a very interesting piece of news.

Let me give you a little background for you to see where I’m approaching this matter from. I mentioned that I went to fix my sis-in-law’s PC last wednesday, right? So, the only person with some geek potential was her younger brother, who is currently studying in a boarding school. I’ve always wanted a little brother for me to act as a big brother figure [lol] but that’s not the point.

So, we went to Lowyat to get some stuff, and along the way, I made some small talks about his academics [I've got nothing to talk about with him! He's not MY brother.] and I found out that he himself isn’t too keen to give it a big score. Somehow, I kind of see myself in him.

I found out that the only reason he’s studying hard is for him to get a scholarship to study furhter so he can get a good degree and get a good job. Sounds pretty normal, doesn’t it? What caught my interest was that he questioned me if that’s all there is to it. “Am I studying so hard so I can study harder just so I get hired to work harder and earn lots of money?”. A fucking smart and perceptive question for a 16-year old I must say.

That kinda made thought about the other kids who blindly study for their worthless bragging rights.

But back to news I found, it was written in a very, very in-your-face, up-your-ass attitude.

Top students should be prepared to be disappointed because the Government cannot offer scholarships to all of them.

What’s this? Prepared to be dissapointed? MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!! This is a fucking golden egg I tell you. And to add insult to an already haemorrhaging[sic] injury…

Unlike previous years where the emphasis was solely on academic results, this year it will only account for 65% of a student’s points.
- Deputy Higher Education Minister Datuk Ong Tee Keat

This just made me roll over. You know, something tells me this is just going to make all those gormless losers studying even harder, like say scoring 20 A1’s and have no idea how to cross the fucking street. Like, OMFG, only 65%!? Since I’m like socially inept like a sterile hamster, I might as well score a perfect 65! Well, good luck trying, turds.

On a more serious note, I don’t think people [especially YOU, you brag-whore parents!] should make a big deal out of it. I think this a good way to start letting your kids have friends. Let them learn how to use the LRT. Teach them how to bargain with that Ah Beng at Sg Wang for your handphone. Teach them how to treat different people with manners without looking like a doofus.

Sure, having a good piece of academic profile will suggest a good future for his career. But come on, be realistic. The only people who REALLY need to be highly academically qualified are academicians. You’re going to need more than just booksmarts to fucking survive. Do things by the book, you do it right. Do things by the law of the universe, you will achieve greatness. Don’t believe me? Ask the tauke who renovated your house.

Besides, if you’re THAT worried about scholarships, there’s plenty where that came from. Private companies are aplenty. Shell, Esso, Petronas, TNB, Telekom, MARA. Even Astro is giving out scholarships. But for companies like Astro, they definitely do NOT want dorks and socially disabled losers. I should know, I used to work there.

Still not getting the point? STOP SENDING YOUR KIDS FOR FUCKING TUITION DURING HIS FUCKING HOLIDAYS. Let him work at Petronas wiping windscreens or at 7-Eleven sweeping out dirt. Or even better, let him work at a computer shop or a car workshop. Teach your daughters to cook or something.

Enough with that “Masa cuti baik diguna untuk mengulang kaji pelajaran” bullshit. I’ve been through SPM and I know what happened tp my friends who went with that program. And what did they become? Gutless losers who stutter out broken england during the scholarship interview. Out the door you go, suckers.

I’m not saying that you should flunk your freaking SPM. No, of course not. Only stupid losers say that.

[note: There are two types of losers. Losers who fail exams, and losers who fail life. The former being stupid, the latter being sorry.]

What I’m saying is, take your academics like you take everything else. Grab life by the balls, and live it. You get to be 16 or 17 for only 12 months in your entire fucking lifetime! [Which is a shitload of months if you do the math right.]

Don’t get me wrong, noob! Form 4 is NOT honeymoon year. The keyword here, is Moderation. Study well for your academics. Give it your best shot. But don’t forget to live, too. You’ve got friends, and you’ve got plenty of things to do with those friends. There’s a world outside your door. Go out and learn what it’s like. Learn by living the things that you read from books.

That’s what learning is all about. Books explain the things you don’t understand. Life PROVIDES with things you don’t and can’t possibly understand, like women, for example. When you’ve got nothing stored in there to figure out, what purpose does the book serve you? Oh I know, it turns you into a freaking mindless bespectacled zombie. Dreadlords would SO love you.

See, I’m doing the world a great favour by converting you gormless losers into hot bodacious winners! YOU MUST LOVE MEEEEE!!!!-

*THWACK! KAPIAK!*

ADOIII!!! That hurts.