Rithan of Deja Voodoo Spells performing during the launch of their I Am What I Am album. Notice the Thundercats logo on the guitar :D

I love listening to stories. Especially that of ancient myth and legends.

While I don’t always drown myselg in daydreams of stabbing a 4-headed serpent repeatedly with a kitchen knife, when I get the chance I always dive in to immerse and lose myself in tales of ancient Gods. I like it even more when there’s an involvement of special powers like wizardry, divine powers or even plain magic.

But really, the one thing I love the most about these myths and legends, are the names. I mean, some names are so bizarre yet so beautiful and sometimes they seems to display power, especially after you learn about the bearer of the name. What’s more interesting is when the names are used in various other tales i.e. movies, games, anime etc. Especially those of Norse gods.

In the Mask [yes, that green-faced SOB], the magical mask is one that supposedly belonged to Loki, which is the Norse God of Mischief and Trickery. Which quite follows the real-world myth as Loki is also known to be a shapeshifter and prank around the Divine and Mortal Worlds.

In DotA, there’s a high-level item that can be crafted from other powerful items. Named The Eye of Skadi, with Skadi being the Norse Goddess of Winter and Frost. True to the name, it’s an item that grants the user a powerful ice attack that cripples the enemy’s movements.

In one 007 movie, I forgot which one, [Die Another Day, I think] there’s a particular weapon, a satellite in orbit that takes the rays of the sun, focuses it and fires a searing beam of heat with enough power to cut through an iceberg like hot knife through butter. It was called, Icarus. Icarus, in Greek myth, is a boy who flew away from prison together with his father, Daedalus. They made wings using feathers and wax. During the flight, Icarus flew too high, too close to the sun despite Daddy’s warnings. The wax on his wings melted off, and Icarus fell to his death in the sea.

Marvel even stole a Norse god for one of their superheroes [lol]. I particularly enjoyed reading Thor comics back in the early 90’s. Marvel portrayed Thor as a stout man, granted godly power by the mystic hammer Mjolnir. True to the Norse myth, Thor was a warrior who fought giants with Mjolnir, a war hammer that return to the hand of its master after being thrown at the target.

That doesn’t include various other Norse, Greek, even Egyptian deities. I always find myself excited everytime I hear names like Magni, Hathor, Tiamat, Poseidon, Thoth, and Anubis.

Come to think of it, even Malaysia has an abundance of myth and legends. First and foremost the legends of Hang Tuah and his companions. Not many can say the name of all them [its Tuah, Jebat, Kasturi, Lekir and Lekiu, by the way]. There’s also the tale of the epic battle between the two titanic birds Garuda and Jentayu.

Then there’s the collection of stories. I was so sad to discover that so many youngsters have no idea who Pak Pandir is. Many more don’t even know who Sang Kancil is, despite the car of its namesake being so popular.

Then there’s short stories, such as the tale of Mahsuri, and her curse upon Langkawi that lasted for seven generations. The tale of Sang Kelembai, who just by speaking to people she turned them to stone. Tales of Lebai Malang, Pak Kadok and Si Luncai. I bet you haven’t heard more than half of what I just mentioned.

Now I believe this is a problem that could should be adressed by the Ministry of Education. So, my dear Datuk, here’s a proposal for you;

You wanna teach Maths and Science in whatever language is fine. I personally think English is the better medium, but that’s not my concern at the moment. But if worry of the National Language is what bothers you, I have a better solution.

Do you know what I went through during SPM for Bahasa? Four lame books full of shit. The only pieces worth mentioning was that of Bukit Kepong and the stage play Kerusi. The rest are just pieces of shit made up of modern day soaps. Virus Zel untuk Abah? Aku, Kris dan Kristal? FUCK YOU.

[note: Virus Zel Untuk Abah tells about a virus coded on a VERY VERY advanced PC powered by a 30Mhz processor, the most powerful machine of its time. No typo there. Thirty fucking megahertz. Fuck man, my microwave oven is more powerful than that! It even makes good coffee.]

Kids these days get enough of these soap drama batshit from your lame RTM broadcasts. Drama that revolves around the same plot, same twists, same conflict, over and over and OVER, AGAIN!

You want to instill patriotism through the National Language? Then quit feeding them with catpuke they can get from the fucking TV. You know what kids lack? They lack culture. They have no clue on local folklore. Urban kids are being read Cinderella and Snow White during bedtime while rural kids only get townsfolk gossip. Why bother telling them stories about 7 fucking dwarves, anyway?

Nobody tells local stories anymore.

Nobody tells how Sang Kancil outsmarted a river full of crocodiles. Nobody tells how Lebai Malang lost everything in a cockfighting bet. Nobody tells how the giants Mat Cincang and Mat Raya fought before their wedding [Mat Raya is female, btw] and tore the lands of Langkawi asunder. Nobody tells how Si Tenggang betrayed his mother and got turned to stone. Nobody tells how the mighty Badang was invincible against all weapons but a sharpened stick of bamboo.

Bring back these tales. We claim ourselves to be a culture rich in tradition and colour. What better describes a culture than its myth and legends? Retell them. Enrich it with Malay literature. Teach the youngsters of our culture. Teach them to be proud of it. Just how the Arthurian Legends are best told in English, just as the tales of Ragnarok are best told in Slavic, so should our local tales be told in Malay.

You want to teach Bahasa properly, that’s one start I can suggest. Rather than feeding them with soaps you can see on local TV on a daily basis, feed them stuff they can’t find anywhere. Kids are too lazy to frequent the library for such stories. They need to be fed, so by all means, FEED THEM, just as you always have.

Berkhidmat Untuk Negara,
Duke Silencers

Anyone else wanna take up the baton and help me get this out to our well-meaning Datuk? First one gets a cookie!

Yes, I’m that bored

My eldest brother, now a father to three beautiful children [and one more coming very very soon] works as an accountant to support the family. He comes to visit us every now and then and for me, getting to play with his kids is always a refreshing change to an otherwise dull routine.

Today however, he asked me [via email] about the cost of a 4-year course for an Engineering degree at MMU. I was, needless to say, amused. He wrote that he was considering several different education investment plans for the kids, hence the question. That notion struck me for a moment. Adila, his eldest, is already 5 years old. I just realised that it’s probably the best time for her parents to start an education plan for her. Being the resposible daddy that my brother is [I suppose that's a trait being passed down right there], he decided to take the step a bit further.

So, back to his question about MMU fees. Since MMU is still considered a private university, it’s fees more or less come to a rather herculean figure. For an engineering course, the cost of tuition fees, books and various expenditures could easily rack up to RM 12K. And that’s just the degree. Unless he’s sending the kid for STPM, he’s gonna have to think about the costs for foundation or A-Levels courses as well. But since he was asking for a degree alone, I gave the rough estimate of RM 48K.

His reply?

Uh, ok. RM48k at today’s prices would be around RM 70k by the time Adila reaches 18. Kids are not cheap, for sure.

I can’t help but laugh. I can almost imagine the WTF look on his face when he read my reply. But really, come to think of it, kids really are not cheap. You have to spend your money on them right until they can earn for themselves. Which, in case you’re too lazy to do the math, is well over 2 decades. 2 decades of hard-earned money spent to raise a child. Man.

I mean with that kind of money no wonder so many parents break down when they realised they raised a pile of shit i.e. those rapists, drunk drivers, idiots who don’t know how to flush the public loo etc. I mean, just look at yourself, don’t you just wonder how much YOU cost?

It does make you feel somewhat guilty concious when you think of the times you raised your voice at them, yes? I shall leave those thoughts for you to digest while I go digest my lunch.

If you don’t know Azrael, you’re missing out on one of the most entertaining writers on the Internets.

I, for one, have been an avid follower of his editorials as an English teacher at a school in Japan. His life-stories tell so much about Japanese culture than other materials. Today I decided to go through some of his other editorials and stories. And by the heavens he’s DAMN good.

Breasts are like God’s gift to the world. Art, if you will. Which is why one of the most tragic things on this Earth are breast implants. Why? Why why why? Why must you defile nature like that? It’s like painting a handlebar moustache on the Mona Lisa. Defilement, at its worst. First of all, they’re so fucking obvious. Its like someone cut a coconut in half and just stuck them on your chest. That’s horrible. And some of them, they’ll be big sure, but then they’ll be so far apart, I swear, you could drive a fucking golf cart up straight up her chest and still clear either boob by a couple of feet. And that’s not even mentioning the scars.

- Azrael, An Ode, to Natural Beauty

If that doesn’t convince you enough to go read more of his writings, well, I suppose you lack the appreciation for good writing.