The Silent Room

It amazes me sometimes how differently I see things from the way of my peers.

One of the most obvious is that of being a ‘social’ person in a ‘social circle’. Really, I don’t mind making friends. But I don’t really make it a point to ‘go out and meet people’ for the sake of ‘making new friends’ and expanding my ‘social network’. Maybe I’m just meant to be a loner, as I always have been. Not to mention the fact that I actually enjoy being solitary.

I don’t exactly have a problem with that ideal or concept as a whole. It’s just that, it sucks when you live your life putting your privacy at the highest priority, yet you’re surrounded by people who can’t bear to go on another minute without company. There has been one time too many where these ‘socialists’ – as I would [very much] like to call them – imposed their midsets onto me.

So I was sitting there, enjoying a quiet lunch with myself when suddenly a friend came;

Friend: Wah, have lunch never call me. Who you with?
Me: Uh,.. nobody?
Friend: Wah, why you so sad one? Come lah I teman you makan!

I really had absolutely no right to decline, since she invited herself to the table. But maaaan,… if I wanted company for lunch, I would’ve asked for it, no? It shouldn’t be that hard to figure out WHY I’m having lunch alone, yes? And then there’s the other scenario; I chatted with a friend while waiting for my food at the counter. He got his first, and mine follwed after. Again, I was going to have a quiet lunch by myself when this friend, out of courtesy invited me over…

Friend: Apsal duduk jauh sangat, meh la sini!

Yet again, I couldn’t possibly decline. So I joined his table, filled with people who I have no idea who they are. So I had my lunch quietly, as I’m not to keen on chatting with strangers, especially when there’s nothing to chat about. But shit hits the fan when my friend asks why I was being so quiet. A cheap excuse would be to fill up my mouth with food, point at my lips and just grin.

And then, the idea of going on trips.

If I were to go on a vacation, I’d like to go in a small group. Preferably no more than 6 people. Why? I think the idea is freaking simple. I hate crowds.

When going on vacation, I’d like to go and take my time enjoying the scenery, chill out, probably take a couple of photos. Say, if I end up at the beach, I’d like to spend some quiet time with as few people as possible. Really, just to let myself escape. Immerse myself in the thoughts of being at peace, being free and being happy about it.

Should I go on a vacation to an area I’ve never been to, I’d take my time sleeping in until brunch, drive slowly to enjoy the scenery. I’ll probably make a couple of stops before the destination just to take some photos. Basically I’d be taking my own sweet time, absorbing everything there is to absorb. The taste of the wind, the sound of the sunsets, the sight of the atmosphere, the feel of the culture, and the smell of freedom.

I’d hate to go in big groups where I get dragged by people to go places. I hate to be rushed while enjoying myself, and I hate to be slowed down if there’s a place I want to go. It inconveniences me, and the group I would be in. The bigger, the more problematic.

Yet, my closest friend thinks the greatest thing in the world is going on a tour group and having fun with everyone. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I’ve been on a couple of tour groups myself, one of them on a trip to China. I was with my eldest brother, and we landed in a tour group full of middle-aged women, all united in their purpose – spend their money on cheap Chinese goods. Needless to say, some destinations were cancelled because the power of women democracy forced the tour group to supermarkets and shopping areas.

At one point when we were supposed to visit the Beijing Zoo, the women were SO unhappy about it. We only went to the panda exhibit, and almost immediately after that, they dragged us out – yes, to go shopping. Hey, how did you guess that? A fucking shame, I tell you. Masuk zoo, tengok panda, blah. WTF lah.

But really that’s just one example. I hate the fact of being on a tour group because whatever you do you have to absolutely stick to the group and not wander out on your own. When you’re in a small group of only friends who share the same mentality as you will you not face the problem of ‘going astray’ when you decide to go on the path less taken.

I can say all this but then, there are people who prefer going in BIG groups to have a big fun-filled exciting trip. And people just can’t stop imposing this to me. How I should be going out, having fun, meeting new people, do exciting things. I’m not exactly *against* that idea. It’s just… it doesn’t suit me, and it’s not something I want to do while on vacation. Yet they tell me about having so much fun doing those exciting things, meeting new people and all that but frankly, I don’t envy them one bit.

I guess I’m just weird that way.