If your tongue can taste its flavours.

If your eyes can see its colours.

If your skin can feel its textures.

If your ears can hear the sound it makes when you slurp, chew or swallow it.

If your nose can smell its aroma.

So the lesson here, children, is to obey whatever guidelines I have compiled.

a] Shut the fuck up when driving on a bumpy road. That way you won’t bite your tongue.

b] Don’t stare at the sun. If you don’t know that yet, you’re a total dumbass.

c] Make sure you don’t hold the mercun after you light it up because it’ll blow your hands up. Very pity. And very stupid.

d] Don’t bother listening when your woman starts yapping at you. Your earlobes will rot and mushroom will grow on it.

e] Do whatever you fucking can to avoid flu. Like, umm… I don’t know, start breathing from oxygen tanks?

note: My nose is runny, my brain feels 2 sizes too big for my skull, I’m sneezing my head off, my throat itches and my tongue feels like sandpaper. I told you flu renders me pointless and stupid. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.