It’s been a while since I last appreciated the fact that I have siblings.

Went out for dinner with Husni [3rd sibling], and it was just us. And we talked about a few things, like how siblings are supposed to do. I realised what a wasted teenage life I had [and I'm still a few months before 20!], to have not been able to spend it with my siblings. We chatted over things I never thought we would ever actually chat about. Even though he’s the siblings closest to my age, we were 5 years apart. That only meant a huge gap between our academic lives. Just when I entered primary, he’s doing his UPSR already. And after that, he went to a boarding school, just how my 2 other older siblings did.

It wasn’t so bad, because I spent more time with my parents than any of my siblings. The problem was, there wasn’t really anyone I could talk to. I mean, my parents shoot down and dismiss my thoughts [like asking about having a girlfriend, or to talk about a certain video game] in the blink of an eye.

I only get to make friends that I couldn’t keep, because just before I finished primary 5, I moved to Cheras. After UPSR, I got a boarding school offer from Kedah. And just halfway through Form 3, I got invloved in a case, and Dad pulled me out. I went back to the school in Cheras, to be met by the people I call friends, but know completely nothing about them. And after PMR, they’re the ones that left for boarding schools.

Start from scratch, they say.

And then, one by one, my siblings graduate. One escapes home after his wedding, the next one gets a job, and one is still stuck overseas. It’s quite safe to say I never really had the chance to grow on my siblings, and they never had much of a chance to grow on me. Whatever love there is between us, I suppose it’s what’s left of a short childhood spent together. A childhood that was at the time, I was too clueless to digest just what the fuck was going on.

It was a love that I had completely no understanding of.

Now, even though they’re living under the same roof with me, they’re almost strangers to me. My sister is so freaking distant, even if she does give me some pocket money every week. It’s just like, she feels obliged to give me money every week, but I feel somewhat insulted because she brings that up everytime she gets angry or dissatisfied about something [and she gets angry very often, not to mention that she bugs Sarah alot, and I definitely do not appreciate that. I'll bitch about that some other time]. It’s just awkward for us to actually have a nice calm chat.

Things aren’t as bad with Husni, though. It’s easy for me to approach him for a chat. Unfortunately, being on different wavelengths, it was pretty hard for us to find any common ground. He’s getting married end of this year.And that only means little, if any difference in our relationship as siblings.

There have been sleepless nights when I wonder what do I know about my siblings, and what they know about me. I fear the day if ever, in a fit of furious rage, that I should scream “What the fuck do you know about me?”. It bothers me greatly sometimes.

When people ask, I tell them I have siblings. And later I ask myself back, “Do I really?”

I went to my first Bon Odori, today. While it was definitely one of the best things I ever did this year, nothing extraordinary really happened, so I believe it’s suffice to say that I’ll be sure to attend it again next year. What really bugged me was the FnB. Why, you ask?

THEY’RE FUCKING EXPENSIVE!

RM 3 for a bottle of green tea? [absurd]
RM 6 for something so similar to Maggi Goreng from my local mamak? [wtf?]
RM 3 for a rough, bittter and burnt onigiri? [unforgivable, because it totally ruined the image I had of a delicious riceball]
RM 5 for only TWO pieces of salmon sushi? [okayla, they were quite thick and juicy]
RM 10 for a piece of BBQ eel and some rice? [well, at least this was worth every cent because it was heaven]
RM 3 for a bowl of ice with flavoured syrup, and nothing else? [well, mine came in three flavours. but big deal, a yummier bowl of cendol only costs half as much :p]

and ultimately..

RM 3.50 for a small bottle of Coke!? [you shall burn in hell!!!]

I had some takoyaki [octopus balls] which cost RM1 per piece, but they’re quite okay, I guess. I also had a piece of strawberry ice-cream, which is actually an a strawberry flavoured popsicle, shaped into a strawberry, and filled with vanilla ice-cream. It was RM 1 per piece, but it was really good [the price is a big turn-off, though].

The souvenirs were expensive, too. A water ball attached to a rubber string [or should i call it a balloon yoyo?] costed RM 4, while a helium balloon [it was pretty big, actually] costed RM 6. Mien gott*, what a dissapointment. But I’ll attend the bon odori again, next year. Zettai ni**, because it’s too much fun to miss.

***********

I finally got to do some hands-on with the Canon 350D [it's one of those big, scary, super-chun digicams that the pros use and attach giant lenses on]. OMG, that gem is unlike anything I have ever held in my hand. Can’t wait to see the sample shots I took with it. It belongs to a friend, actually, so it’ll take a while before I can really get anything out of it.

I love the feel of a solid camera body, even if its a bit heavy. That’s a good thing, actually, makes it easier to avoid camera shakes when I press it against my face. I love the easy and familiar controls that’s featured. I love the fact that I can add plenty of shits on it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. But I hate it when I heard to price tag. A full set including one lens and an external battery pack costs a whopping RM 3800.

Please buy it for me. I’ll be sure to add it to my wishlist; err… when I think of compiling one :D

note:
* mein gott = oh my god, in german, I believe
** zettai ni = definitely, in japanese

Honestly, I’m sick of constantly being the one to open up and tear down my ego, only to be met with apologies. I think I’ve done enough to deserve some appreciation and recognition from you. Maybe’s its not my luck. Maybe I’m being cynical. Or maybe you’re just the most beautiful and wonderful curse I have ever been hit with.

If for me to know nothing is what you want, then so be it.

I can’t access my projects, it keeps redirecting me to this fucking page. And it was working just this evening!

If it’s about making an impact, and to hog a few seconds of the spotlight, I discovered that it’s a trait that transcends colour and creed. I’m not a really huge fan of books about Mr. Potter’s adventures, but I enjoyed the movies very much [I haven't watched the Azkaban installment yet, goddamit!]. Still, it appears we have a very outspoken Pope, this time around, and he’s got some strong opinions against Ms. [Mrs?] Rowling’s works.

And I thought our local censorship board were funnny.