I found myself thinking about death one sleepless night. Not exactly about how or when I will die. That in itself may just be tomorrow.

What I’m more concerned is what I would lose when I die.

Special people in my life. The friends I made. THe people I knew. I would be leaving them behind. And I would not be able to see them again. What about them? I wondered how they would be should they get wind of me dying or my death.

And what of my accomplishments? The deeds I made, the sins I commited. How will they echo in the minds and hearts of those who know me, even those who have only heard my name? I love a lot of people. And I know that I’m also loved. If I were to step through, what would they say to me?

Live?
Please don’t go?
You’ve got a long way to go?
There are still things for you to do?

Or rather..

Apologies?
I love yous?
It’s allright?

I really wondered how they would be. Would they be willing to let me go? Death isn’t something I explicitly desire, at least not yet. But I’m in no position to make that decision, no? It’s just… how would it be like to lie on a deathbed, where everything is uncertain and you put everything on the line?

Curiosity killed the cat, they say. Heh.

At this point, it’s only sensible to realize that death is inevitable. But I have decided. For my own sake, and for the sake of those who love and believe in me, I will live a good life. Should I be given the chance to go on living the good life I desired, I will fight for it.

I’ll be sure to buy myself as much time as I can.