The Silent Room

I have a few things to clarify. If you are a personal friend of mine, then I’m sure we have rubbed each other the wrong way every once in a while. Whether or not the fault is mine, I’m sorry it happened and hopefully we can ‘discard the murky and take the clean’* :p

Just in case, I’d like to let you know that I’m only human, and I can’t afford to please everyone. Which also means I don’t expect everyone to be able to satisfy me. I’ll accept, befriend and love for who you are, not who you’re supposed to or trying to be. As a friend, I’m not too fond of pretending and showing you someone that pleases you all the time. I’d like to be honest, and by doing so, perhaps I might hurt some feelings, but it’s better than for you to find out that I’ve been lying.

First things first, I’m not funny. I steal jokes, lines and other forms of humour. I use them a lot, though I never have claimed them as my own. Of course, I do come up with some corny shit once in a while, but a wacky blood doesn’t exactly flow in these veins. I want attention and it’s easy and quick to get them by being funny, so that’s why.

I am not wise. Experienced, maybe. But compared to the people I’m surrounded, with, my ‘experience’ is dwarfed and I’d ridicule it’s minimal amount myself. If I ever sound wise at all, I’m just citing whatever it is I found in a book I read, or what I heard someone said. I don’t come up with quotable quotes myself that often.

I suck at poetry or any form of exquisite literature. I’ve difficulty understanding a beautiful cryptic piece, let alone compose one as such. If you see/hear me giving a somewhat ‘insightful’ opinion know that I’m just pulling your leg, and it’s my way of saying ‘Duh…what’s that mean again?’ .

I can’t tolerate silent treatment. And I’m not inclined to give you any. Why? Because silent treatment isn’t helpful. If I have a problem with you, I’ll hint it to you. I will get you to ask me ‘what’s wrong’ and then I’ll talk. Though I don’t expect you to hint the same way I do, I expect you to come up to me and voice out your concerns. Shutting up and avoiding it isn’t going to solve anything.

I don’t even have to start about running away from problems. If I have a problem with you, I’ll take it to you. And I hope that if you have a problem with, you will come to me so we can settle it.

I’m not good at reading people. And hints that are too vague. I’m very blunt, honestly. I only act like I’m sharp once in a while so I can look and sound cool. But since you’re my friend, I do care a lot about you, and I’d like to know if you’re unhappy with me about anything. If I made a mistake, tell me. If your hints are too vague, maybe you should be a little bit more direct about it. You might not want to hurt my feelings by being vague, but it hurts me more when I can’t figure out what the fuck you’re trying to say.

If you want to talk, we can talk. Just don’t gossip with me, please. I’m not interested to find out about someone else’s love affair or botox enhancements if it doesn’t directly affect you. Sure, you can talk about your friend, what he does, so and so. But if you don’t even know the guy personally, or the people that has issues with him, I’d like to change to topics because it’s impolite to have irrelevant gossip about one’s personal life.

If you talk to me, I’ll shut up, pay attention and listen, because you’re my friend. If I don’t like you, I’ll just hear you out and think about whatever that’s more important to me at the moment. When I talk, I’m not too fond of being cut-off and have the topic changed. I’d like someone to listen whenever I talk. If there’s no one to listen, then I’ll just keep quiet and move along.

My friend, what you mean to me, is beyond what my vocabulary can describe. This is who I am, this is just how this one friend of yours is. I hope you will be able to accept, befriend and love me the same way as I have you.

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note:
*A direct translation of the Malay proverb Buang yang keruh, ambil yang jernih, which the equal to ‘Let’s forgive and forget’.