Good company is hard to find, lately. At least, that’s the case with me.

I can be quite picky when it comes to the people who I make friends with. This fussiness turns out to be my downfall, unfortunately. I’m not exactly sure why I’m fussy, but I believe it somehow has to do with being the laughingstock of the group, if not being looked down upon. Maybe it’s because I didn’t stay in a particular community long enough to establish any ‘real’ bond between the friends I make during those short moments.

Fussiness and my ’sanguine nature’ led me to doing various things to get their attention, only to be met by disgust and disapproval. The idiot that I was [perhaps still am]. So, instead nicely making friends, I ended up subconciously making a fool of myself countless times. Sometimes I get a bit of encouragement, but most of the time, tease and insults come pouring like the monsoon. After about 10 years going through that ‘rain’, my ears and mind have been numbed by those annoying noises. Thing is, whenever I wanted to say something when lepaking, I always get cut off, and the subject gets changed. Sometimes, I just get ignored, and nobody bothers to reply.

It turns out that it’s gotten harder for me to trust even my own friends. Occasionally, I find myself lying to them. Why? Simply because I know I can get away with it. I get ignored anyway. And it’s about petty issues.

But the main issue I have with my ‘friends’ back then, was that when I talked, nobody listened. Either that, or nobody was able to respond to what I say because they can’t relate to the stuff I talk about, and I was unable to join their chat because I know shit abt the stuff they’re talking about. It sucks to feel like an outcast.

After a long while, I ended up despising big groups of friends. I find myself afraid of drowning in a crowd that I can’t participate in. I hate it when people don’t listen when I talk.

After some time spent thinking, I’ve decided. I understood how painful it was to not have anyone listening to you when you talk. How dissapointing it was when nobody could relate to your joke or your story. How hurtful it was when you get cut off when you’re talking. How frustrating it is when someone changes the subject right after you talk. It hurts. It really, really hurts. Especially if it happens too many times. And when they see you looking unhappy they go ‘Alaa, relek la’. Relek my ass.

I’ve decided to be the listener. I would let other people do the talking. I would talk only to people who can relate to me and my talk. If anyone wants to talk, I’d shut up so I can listen, and respond as best I can so they won’t feel ignored. After a while of doing that, I discovered how joyful it was. I never knew how interesting it is just to listen to people who whine and brag and bitch about anything and everything. It’s enlightening as much as it is entertaining. It’s even more fun than reading comics. I never knew how pleasantly easy it was to just listen.

It was easier for me to relate to people, by being the listener instead of the talker. By encouraging them to talk, I can feel them warm up and loosen down as they start to show me more and more of themselves. Most of the time, I would only talk if it was too quiet, or if they asked me abt something. Otherwise, I would just look and listen to them. Sometimes, people who are [sorry to say] ignorant, say the most amusing things in their attempt to sound intellectual.

After a while, I met people who needed attention. Just people who wanted to spill out their emotions. Their frustrations, their anger, their sadness. I myself never got the chance to confide in anyone about my troubles, but to be the attentive ear for these people, the experience was overhwelming. I will end up stumped, wondering how could this happen to anyone? How can I help them out their trouble?

At which point I understood a truth. Their problems are their own obstacles. My issues are my own. I can’t expect other people to solve it for me. Which also meant I can’t solve others’ problems for them. But there’s a slight relief. When troubled, one can find peace in the fact that they can find the way out from others, by sharing their woes.

‘When joy is shared between two people, its double the joy;
when pain is shared between two people, its half the pain.’

I can’t remember where I read that. But it turned out to be very true. But it’s not that easy to share your problems with others. You need a pair of ears willing to pay you some attention and listen carefully to what you have to say. I, for one, haven’t been able to find such a person for so long. I knew how it felt. Like everyone else, I’ve had my share of pain. So I thought it would be great if I could be the one willing to listen. And if people are willing to notice, they might learn and pick up the habit as well. Hopefully, someone will do me that favour.

Face it, people get hurt, under countless cicumstances. The world would be a bit more of a pleasant place to live in if we can help ease these pains and offer some sort of comfort and relief. Try it yourself, it’s almost magical. So, when you’re spoken to, try not cut them off. Try not to ignore them [unless its someone you hate, or it's just a boring lecturer], and try to respond nicely when you can. Pay some attention, and offer a listening ear.

Just listen.