On a peaceful Friday morning, I was sleeping in, enjoying the comfort [and odor] of my pair of bantal busuk [aka 'bantal busyuk']. Around 12.00 pm, my phone rang. Lazily, I check and noticed it was a Malaccan number. With a yawn, I answered the call…

Me: Hewwlllrrrooooowww? [yawning]
Kak Zara: Hello, ni Fazri Nuha ye?
Me: Ya saya
KZ: OK, ini Kak Zara dari Exam Unit…
Me: Oh, okay,

[WTF, ERU!? Great, takkan aku lupa register lagi kot?]

KZ: Macam ni, akak nak cakap sikit pasal you punya exam results. You free tak sekarang ni?
Me: Free, free, free ,…kenapa?
KZ: Okay, tadi akak check you punya SPM results,..
Me: Uhuh.

[Mada ka? Ii kagen nishiro!]

KZ: …and akak nampak your results are very impressive
Me: Uh…okay.
KZ: 1, 2, 2, 1, 2… ‘A’ bersepah-sepah. English 1, Add Maths 2, Modern Maths 1…akak Add Maths tak dapat 2, tau
Me: Uh…uhuh.

[Thanks, but get to the point already!]

KZ: Kat MMU ni, majority students dapat either 3 atau 4 ‘A’, but even they can get first class. Your SPM cert says a lot about your potential, Fazri. I believe so, too. Your application forms are very mipressive, way waaay above average.
Me: Uh…okay.
KZ: But then akak tengok your results 2.51 padahal with SPM results like yours you sepatutnya boleh ketuk 4.0 if not 3.5 and above.
Me: Uh…..uh….ok

[Not the first time anyone told me that. Even my own best friend was shocked to know of my CGPA]

KZ: So ni akak nak tanya ni, kenapa your results jadi macam ni? Apa masalahnya?
Me: Oh, itu je ke…

[MY TURN!!]

Me:…soalan tu senang je. Budak SPM pun tau jawab
KZ: Eh? Apa?
Me: Jawapannya ialah…Saya….Banyak…..MAIN.
KZ: Banyak main?
Me: Yeap. Banyak main.
KZ: Uhh.. banyak main je ke?
Me: Well, if you want to go full scale and list it down…
KZ: Okay, apa?
Me: Banyak main. Banyak tidor. Tak fokus. Banyak distraction. Takde willpower. Itu. Sahaja.
KZ: Tapi kalau macam tu apasal result SPM you macam ni, and GPA macam ni?
Me: Ah..itu pasal-
KZ: Tak, akak nak tanya you ada problem dengan lecturer ke, lectures tak bagus ke-

[You do NOT cut me off while I'm TALKING, bitch]

Me: [in low growling voice] Takde takde takde takde.
KZ: Eh?
Me: Lectures are fine, lecturers are great. No issues on your part whatsoever. The issue we’re dealing here is me. I’m the one who didn’t make any effort at all.
KZ: Uh..oh. Ye ke.
Me: Ye ye, tak payah nak kaunseling saya apa-apa. I’m perfectly fine the way I am-
KZ: Perfectly fine?
Me: Maksud saya there aren’t any serious incurable issues at hand. It’s just that I didn’t make any effort.
KZ: So you’re saying that kalau you memang nak, memang you boleh pull off a 3.5 la?
Me: You’re the one who imposed that fact
KZ: Your SPM results spoke for you. Statistics prove it as well
Me: I hate statistics.
KZ: So memang you tak fokus la?
Me: Yep.
KZ: Abih, bila nak fokus nih?
Me: If you noticed my results, OMG I sure hope you noticed an increase from 2.0 to 2.71 in 2nd and 3rd sems respectively.
KZ: Kejap. Oh, okay.
Me: Hm.
KZ: So lepas ni you pegi cyber ke, duduk melaka?
Me: Cyber.
KZ: Bila you pegi cyber tu?
Me: Nex sem.
KZ: I see, I see. So at the rate you’re currently going, nex sem ni you start Beta kan?
Me: Ha’ah
KZ: So kalau betullah you’re focused as you say-
Me: I never said I am focused already.
KZ: Eh, tadi…?
Me: I was only referring to improvements, I didn’t even mention the word focus in that same line.
KZ: Uh,..okay. Apa pun, kalau akak check lagi your results next sem you rasa your GPA boleh sampai first class tak?
Me: I’m working step-by-step right now. 4.0 is virtually impossible, realistically speaking. 3.5 is very likely, but then I’ll have to somewhat strain some sort unbreakable determined from my backside to pull it off like I did during SPM.
KZ: Bukan tak boleh, tapi tak nak?
Me: Bukan tak nak. Nak tu memang nak, tapi asyik tak ingat yang saya nak.
KZ: Ooh.. macam tu ye.

[Stereotype adult that you are. Benda simple macam tu pun takleh pikir]

Me: Ya, memang macam tu.
KZ: Still, lepas ni I expect to see you improve. Sebab apa your results show a lot of quality for who you are. And then kalau result you 2nd lower ke, 3rd class, ish. Sayang la, kan.

[This is the n-th time I heard that line]

Me: Ya, memang sayang.
KZ: Ok, kurangkan la you punya main tu. You know what to do, kan? Main boleh, tapi jangan overdo it.
Me: Ya, memang tak boleh overdo.

[Her call woke me up, and her statement annoy the shit out of me. What do you expect?]

KZ: Ok, tu je lah. Take care ye, study baik2.
Me: Ok, terima kasih ye, kak.

[Thanks for ending the call. Kang kalau aku mintak letak phone kang, tak manis bunyiknya]

Though you see me yapping and snapping about this phone call, the truth is that this was the second time a your-results-suck talk shook more than anything else. The first person who had the same impact on me was my best friend, Zoran [Where the fuck are you! Call, SMS or something!! Even an email will do!] some time ago.

Why? It’s simple.

Yes, like everyone else, these two too, told me my results suck and asked me to improve. The big difference these two have in omparison with other people is that they convinced me that they believed in my potential. I know la, my parents, too believed in me, but then again, their lines are so cheesy and calloused that it’s become less and less convincing.

So now. What to do? Oh yeah, I have to change and head for friday prayers. Cheh.